Whilst I have experienced brief, episodic delusions and hallucinations (involving hearing voices and seeing things that aren’t there) these have been under extreme stress and are not what I’m gunna be talking about today.
What I mean by ‘voices’ is rather a detachment from my mind. I can’t speak for anyone else; but when I listen to the ‘voices’ in my head, it’s as if there are no coherent sentences. No thought gets finished before another interrupts, it’s as if there are multiple voices in my head at once vying to be the one that gets heard.
I am not diagnosed with any thought disturbance disorder such as Schizophrenia, and nor do I think I should be. But I sometimes feel like these thoughts are not my own. They are known as ‘intrusive thoughts’, and I do not think them myself, they just appear in my mind independently of myself.
More often than not, these thoughts are extremely violent and aggressive; and feature themes along the lines of self-harming, attacking my character or looks, or paranoia about people or things around me. They are powerful, and can rub you the wrong way.
Sometimes the thoughts may not appear in your head as ‘words’ but rather images, flashed into your mind like a subliminal message in a movie. When I am particularly distressed, this images seem like someone else has ‘projected’ them into my head.
These thoughts and voices may appear when we are under extreme stress, but can also come out of nowhere, when we are doing the most mundane things. This is why they are known as ‘intrusive thoughts’. They intrude on our daily lives, unwanted and unwarranted.
Unfortunately, everyone (regardless of mental health issues) suffers with intrusive thoughts at times in their lives. It is a matter of realising when they pose a problem. Some voices and thoughts may be violent, sexual, abhorrent, or morally wrong. They can cause great shame or anxiety, and some people may believe that others will ‘think they are crazy’, if they try to explain them.
If you find that your intrusive thoughts are interfering with your day-to-day life, it is advisable that your speak to your health-care provider, who can point you in the right direction and help you to find ways to deal with them.
THE BPD INFORMER 